Do you ever wonder what your place on this earth is? Why are you here? Do you even HAVE a purpose? I feel like I'm just here. Just floating along. Kind of like some unwavering ocean wave that just keeps going on and on and on...only I'm not waving.
I have this dual desire for life. One existence is this one. The one where I do what I'm supposed to do and I do what's expected. Go to school, get a degree, get a job.... Been there, done that, there has GOT to be something else. And then there's my "real" existence. This is the existence where I HAVE. My HAVE side is the side where I've found my interest in life, I've got the job to represent that, I'm doing what I want to do BECAUSE I want to, when I want to. And I'm happy there.
So that's my happy place. I try to imagine how to get there, because, I truly believe anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Simple as that, but what a complexity. Everyone knows that "simple" means try not to give yourself a hernia moving around your baggage.
I just wish there was some sort of magic pill or a nice kick in the butt to get me started on my path. I want to HAVE.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you could get yourself off your ass and just GO? Life has me disillusioned. Again. But what else is new? I'm here, but I don't need to be. I'm doing stuff. But I don't need to do it. I want to do stuff, but I feel stuck and I can't. If I could just break out of the prison I've made for myself, I think I could see SOME light at the end of the tunnel.