Monday, October 24, 2005

I Wrote a New Poem (and don't try to steal it)

YAY the end of my close to two year writer's block!

Puzzle Pieces

Trying hard to fit in
Don’t know where the real me’s been
Losing myself in the meaning
Of what other people think
Tried too hard not to be me
Lost my way
But now I see
That the road less traveled is the road I need
Blurred is the line between me and her
Tattered the soul that lies within
Stretched in the distance is a journey’s end
Answers will appear much further
Searching self darkness for the light
Wandering aimlessly through mind’s night
Where is the place where I should be?
What is the way that I should see?
Too much time gone and wasted
Not enough time has passed me by
Many sorrows pains and pinches
No scars to show what’s learned
Finding the way through life’s valleys
Separating fact from inward scorn
Running from dangers imagination
Running toward excitement of life unseen
Throw away everything
Keep nothing back
Collect bits and pieces
Discard the trash
Round the round beginning no end
Infinity’s loop, gravity’s spin
Checkerboard patterns in the daylight
Thoughts smooth as satin flowing bright
Embrace release relax inhale
Believe forget emote impale
Open textbook word upon word
Writing speaking teaching turn
Health and feeling
Thought and speech
Bright dot visions
Felt beneath
Puzzle pieces willing to grow
Fill in the spaces as we go
How to fit and work and be
Only years will make new me

©BAS 10/24/05

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Today is definitely Monday even though it's Tuesday

So I was off yesterday (about the only good thing about working for the government is that we get days we didn't know existed off). It would serve to purpose that today would, indeed, be my Monday. Went to bed at 12:30, my usual time. Proceeded to wake up at 1:15, 2:30, 3:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:00, 5:18 and finally just got up at 5:25, 5 minutes before when I was supposed to get up. I decide that despite the fact that it is Monday, I will make an effort to spend time on my hair and actually dress. Hair? Fuzzy. Makeup? WTF is wrong w/my right eyebrow? Anyway....I get dressed, ripping my shirt in the process. I pick up my shoes to change into at work - oh look at the cobwebs in them. After hunting for the owner of that web to no avail, I am finally ready to go. In the dark. I walk out the door, yes it's a nice 63 degrees but humidity is also 85%. Which means my hair went from S to in 2.5 seconds. So walking along through my complex and down the road to my bus stop I walk face first into a spiderweb. A very, very large spiderweb. That i can't see. Because it's dark. And the headlights are blinding me. I arrive at the bus stop swiping crazily at my face and being conscientously ignored by the suprisingly abundant number of people already there. And so begins my day. Tired, ripped, limp-haired and covered in invisible spiderwebs. Happy Monday even though it's Tuesday.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I got this from a friend and had nothing better to do

100 things about me

I’m very shy
I absolutely LOVE to read
My favorite colors are black and purple
I’m a good listener
I type very fast
Makeup is my favorite plaything
I always wear contacts – if you’ve known me since 1996, you have never seen me in glasses
I love summer
Vegas is my favorite place to be
I can’t swim
I don’t drive
I play the flute
I’m scared of heights, but I love to fly
Needles – I HATE needles, but I want a tattoo
E-mail and IM was made for me – I love to talk, but only there
I’m more angry than one might think
I write poetry
I have journals dating back to 9th grade (that was 15 years ago, ya’ll)
My job bores me
My favorite lunchmeat is Lebanon bologna
My favorite sandwich is a reuben
My drink of choice is Jack & Coke
Guilty pleasure – I watch “Laguna Beach”
I’m the oldest of three sisters
I skipped kindergarten
I love the 80’s
I wanted to be Diana Ross when I grew up
I love TV – I watch too much
Museums make me happy – so do libraries
I’m a big fan of Impressionist art
I almost never cry
James Bond movies are my favorite, especially “The Man With the Golden Gun”
I am an idiot at math
I read extremely fast (makes for an expensive habit)
I hate spending money on myself
I hate shopping
I love to eat
I am impatient
I’m also stubborn (I’m a Taurus – true to the bull)
I’ve got a dirty mind
I hate the sound of people chewing
My musical tastes are “weird” to some
I love Motown music
And disco
And music from The Phantom of the Opera
I don’t like my smile
I don’t like talking on the phone – but you might be the exception
In order to graduate, I had to “work” in a hospital, a nursing home and a community health center
Hospitals scare me
I hate nursing homes
I’m scared of doctors
My middle name means “beautiful flower”
I’m not as nice as people think
I keep a lot to myself
Cleaning sucks
But I’m addicted to cleaning products
I can’t go to bed before midnight
I get up at quarter of five
I don’t wear skirts
I love 4” heels now, but only wore sneakers through college
I have a thing for BBC America
I hate guacamole
I gained 20 pounds after college but still wear the same size
I don’t exercise
I don’t like the color pink
My favorite flowers are morning glories and honeysuckle
I’m learning that what’s inside really does count most
Unorthodox people are far more interesting and cool
My favorite snack is hint of lime tortilla chips with peach salsa
Cantaloupe makes me queasy
So does honeydew
Watermelon makes me itch
I have a sweet tooth
I’m afraid of failure
I haven’t been to the movies in a year and a half
I haven’t been on a date in over two years
Beans are disgusting
My bed gives me backaches
I’ve seen a tornado coming head-on – and lived
I’ve been in my apartment when the building caught on fire – and lived
I’ve had a semi-automatic rifle pointed at me by a masked man – and lived
I’ve decided my life doesn’t need any spice and I am truly blessed
I don’t have any kids
I’ve always wanted to work in downtown DC
I never celebrated a birthday until I was 13 – they’re overrated – I’ve not had a birthday to remember
I want to ride a horse
I want to go to Paris
I hate pine furniture
I can’t dance
I’ve never been drunk (I WAS TIRED, OK?!)
I’ve never been to the Washington Monument (walked by it, around it, looked at it)
I love to walk down the Mall to the Lincoln Memorial and watch the sunset from the steps
I hate white bread
I have never broken a bone
I don’t like gold, but I do like silver
My eyes are my best feature
I’ve never seen any of the “Matrix” movies
Or the newest “Star Wars” movies
My memory is horrible
This list was hard to write

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Yes I've Been Remiss In Posting - So Sue Me

Sooo....after that boring ass conference, I went to Vegas. Here's the trip report I wrote for several boards I belong to. Enjoy!

Thursday, September 1 – Monday, September 5 – MGM Grand

Thursday, 9/1
After an entire month of extreme over-preparation, this was trip #3 for my middle sister (A) and myself and our other sister (C) joined us this time for her first Vegas experience. Our first trip was July of last year and this was already our second trip this year (it’s a sickness, I tell you). We left at 3:45 PM on US Air out of Philly – we were supposedly due into Vegas at 5:56. We decided to eat before we got on the plane as none of us really felt the need to order an $8 salad until we actually got where we were going. This was C’s first time on a plane so we let her have the window seat so she could see – or get scared. Our flight left the gate about 20 minutes late due to some radar thingie that had to be replaced. Then there was a line for take-off. Then there was an 80-knot headwind somewhere over Kansas City. Needless to say, we got to Vegas an hour late. I love 6 hours in coach. Really I do.

After hobbling off the plane and popping our ears, our annoyance quickly dissipated after seeing the Strip upon landing and seeing slot machines. Not much action since US Air always lands in the bastard terminal. Hopped the tram to the main terminal and then the perma-grin hit. Thanks to the advice of people on various Vegas boards, we checked in at MGM at the airport. In and out in under 10 minutes w/extra room keys, the promised room with a view, and no questions asked. We’d booked Presidential Limo as we had with our last trip. Even though we were an hour late, our driver was cheerfully waiting (thanks everyone who recommended Kathy R.). Got our luggage w/no problem (we always bring our toiletries in our carry-ons – lesson learned the hard way after my luggage got lost when I was going to Mexico) and we were off in the limo. Got our champagne and roses and when Kathy heard it was C’s first time in Vegas she suggested a trip from Wynn up to MGM. As the champagne in empty stomachs and being in Vegas again were doing their magic, anything she suggested would’ve been met with a stupid grin and an enthusiastic “YEAH!” So C got a GREAT first impression (better than A and myself as we stayed at Sahara and took the Airport Shuttle…. but I digress) and had the camera out the window the whole time. Kathy got pics of us in the limo and outside the limo at the hotel.

Now I know MGM is big, but damn…that’s BIG. We breezed past the massive lines of people at check-in and went straight to the 20th floor and to our room (you know – after a 5 minute walk). Our room was in great shape and was a corner room with a view all the way down the strip. We could see the fountains and past them down to the LV Hilton. Went down for a quick dinner at Rainforest (we always have to go there once a trip – no I don’t know why), added MGM slot cards that A and myself didn’t pick up – last July – to what we have started calling our “nerd chains”, and hit the floor. Since our bodies swore it was after midnight, we all went up to “take a nap”, which leads us to…Friday.

Friday, 9/2
This was our “official” reason for being here. A’s 25th birthday. We were up and out of our room by 8 (hungry…so…hungry). We’ve always missed these fabulous buffets people keep mentioning, so we decided to take our hungry behinds to the Paris buffet (that’s one thing off the list). Things are a little fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure we took the monorail (A hates to walk – plus it was C’s first time so…). I now see why you all like the Paris buffet. I love food, I love to eat, and I’m greedy. That combined with that buffet meant I didn’t eat ‘til dinner and I wasn’t even hungry then. Between coffee and crepes and smoked salmon and pastries, dear God I was in heaven.

The rest of the day we wandered around adding on to our nerd chains, feeding money into slots without blinking, and drinking at inappropriate times of the day. We had reservations for A’s birthday dinner for 5 at Mesa Grill. I know people said it was overrated, but we enjoyed ourselves, dammit, so there. The service was great (loved the switching out of white napkins for black since we were all in black slacks), the atmosphere was great, we loved our waiters (we had a team of three we nicknamed Robert, Vasquez and Sterling), appreciated the manager stopping by (nicknamed him Esteban), and the food was excellent. I ended up with the tiger shrimp and roasted garlic tamale, lamb porterhouse and some dessert involving poppyseed cake with some sort of creamy goodness inside. A decided to be “adventurous” and got fried squash blossoms w/ricotta, salmon and something involving chocolate. C evilly decided on grilled scallops, rabbit (yes she ate Thumper), and chocolate ice cream that had cayenne pepper in it (and it was GOOD).

After playing more slots at Caesar’s, visiting the Elton John store (C has a thing for him), and catching a cab back to MGM, we changed and headed off to a 10:30 Thunder From Down Under show (those who have read my TR’s before should know to expect this – those who haven’t – welcome to my world – it’s in every TR – get used to it). Moving on to Saturday.

Saturday, 9/3
We started out the day by standing in the hot @$$ sun at Tix 4 Tonite (I think that’s the one – fuzzies are intruding again) past the Hawaiian Marketplace – that line was still shorter than the ½ price place at the Coke bottle. We got half price tickets for the Star Trek Experience (C is a serious Trekker, though she cannot claim a Star Trek convention) and for the American Storm show at Riviera (never actually thought I’d set foot in that place – just never had the urge – and A hates the lights).

We went took monorail to the Hilton to do the Star Trek thing. I can honestly say I enjoyed it – though I think not paying half price would have been a rip off, since we got to see both experiences at the half price price instead of one. After the experiences and after C got her pics done in the captain’s chair and the Borg regeneration chamber (I know, I know, I have no control over her) we went to lunch at Quark’s bar. We’d been there on our last trip (but not the experiences) and wanted to try the Warp Core Breach – and since there were three of us, we figured that would give us a better chance of walking out of there under our own power. Quark’s turned out to be a blast. We took pictures of C with the various characters walking around – Ferengi, Klingons and one very hysterically funny Borg. After some food and one very large drink later (still trying to figure out how they put dry ice in a drink legally) we went back to our hotel to get ready for a night of both American Storm at 7:30 and another Thunder show at 10:30 – both of which I’ll spare you the details.

Sunday, 9/4
More sightseeing and casino hopping. Since this was C’s first trip, we had to take the time to visit properties so she could drink it all in. So this trip we got less done than previous trips. Plus this was a short trip. We ended our last night with an extremely large NY style pizza from some place on the bottom floor of MGM (found by accident when we got off the monorail at a different stairway – perhaps one really SHOULD read the brochure). At 12:01, I was downstairs at the business center printing out “A” passes for my first experience with Southwest for the return trip home the next day.

Monday, 9/5
Our last day. Checked the bill, it was fine, did express check-out, once again avoiding the lines. Left our baggage with the bell desk and went to the Forum Shops for some last minute shopping/drooling. My other self loves Pucci and Cavalli and tends to stand in those stores with a dazed look then walk out. We went from Caesar’s to Aladdin to get our free margaritas that came w/signing up for the slot club (we don’t go there a lot but free is always good). We got back to MGM as slowly as possible and then cabbed it over to the airport. Got in the “A” line for our 1:30 flight on Southwest and headed off on our indirect flight home. Landed in Chicago w/an hour or so layover and got on the final leg of our flight back to Philly. Due to an extremely funny mantendant on our second Southwest flight, I now find Southwest maybe not so bad after all. We got in to Philly at 11 PM half an hour early and immediately started plans for the next trip in January. We need rest after the holidays, you know.

Random Thoughts:
The mountain view always makes me happy. As does 100+ยบ heat with no humidity. I hate crowds but when the other me comes out she does alright. I’m glad to have gotten some things off my list – Paris buffet, Mesa Grill, Star Trek Experience. But others are always added on. I missed going to the fountains and didn’t make it to Wynn. Didn’t get to the Bellagio or Aladdin buffets. Nor did we get to our old favorite, the Mandalay buffet (A has a thing for their Mongolian beef – I’m just greedy). Wanted to make it to In-n-Out, Fatburger and the Burger Bar and didn’t do that either (you notice I’m mentioning a lot of food here – see told you I’m greedy). The time share people are getting innovative – they sic hot young men on the females now. We got caught and I ended up telling someone I would be 25 maybe in a couple of months (I’m 28) (I see I need to add a timeshare lie – er – story to my repertoire – I already have a fake boyfriend story on hand). I still haven’t made it downtown or even off-Strip. I am officially in love with the ever so monstrous MGM (so what if it takes an hour to get anywhere). Kudos again to Presidential Limo and Kathy. And even kudos to Southwest. As always I need to return – now.

As soon as C finishes with the captions to the pictures, I’ll post the link, but I wanted to get this down before the fuzziness completely took over.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005


...very...very...BORED. I'm beat because I was at a conference all last week and they really take it to heart "you can sleep when you're dead". What was the conference about? Meat. No I am not kidding. Meat - people take the field of Meat Science very very seriously. It was a learning experience, to say the least. At least I got to visit a slaughterhouse - which was quite interesting.

I plan to be the most unproductive at work I possibly can be for the next 16 days. After that it is VEGAS baby! I LOVE Vegas . This will be trip #3 since July '04. Haven't been since January and I am SO ready. If I win on Wheel of Fortune slots, my job is getting a postcard. 'Nuff said. So I'm in full "I'm going to Vegas" mode, reading message boards, people's trip reports, hotel reviews....whatever involves feeding my obsession and not doing work (like this).

Anywho, that's all I'm writing right now, I have to go pretend to work.

Thursday, June 30, 2005


So here I am. Still stressed. Still ready to pull my hair out. I've had a headache for four days straight. And now my back hurts. My hair looks like who did it and what for (damn humidity) and you could fry an egg in the grease on my face. Oh well, supposedly this means I won't look old when I'm...old.

But all that's alright. I'm leaving here after work tomorrow on the Amtrak to take my narrow behind to Philly to see the family. Saturday we're going to Live 8. I hate sitting outside but how often does something of this magnitude happen? Hopefully there'll be no rain and there will be some wind. Monday there's another free concert that's supposed to have Elton John and Patti LaBelle. Could it get any better?

So despite everything, I'm determined to have fun this weekend. And worry about the week later.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Remember When

You could buy stuff for under a dollar including tax? Where might those days be now? I just went to the store to get some snacks for my snack drawer here at work (and some necessities) and I spent $11. Which I guess is better than the $50 I spent two weeks ago, but still... I got a 20 oz soda on sale for 99 cents (all the healthy stuff was $1.49+), chips on sale for 99 cents (the healthy stuff i.e. my favorite soy chips, were $1.49 - for a snack size bag - I don't think so), and then I had to search for some shampoo that was under $5. Thank God my toothpaste was 50%. And we wonder where our money goes.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Do You Ever...

...want something so bad you can taste it? That's me right now and has been for the past year and a half. Life as I'm living it right now is NOT life. It's not the life I'm meant to lead, I'm sure of it. I am not meant to be in this mundane, unfulfilling existence. I am not meant to be in this state, working this job, in this profession, STUCK in the nothingness while all good things pass me by. I refuse to believe that this is it. I've always said there's an "other" me. One that I have and still do keep mostly suppressed while I live how I'm "supposed" to, while I do what's expected of me when it's expected of me in the way it's expected of me. And I'm sick of it because THAT'S NOT ME. No how, no way, NO. Call it rebellion, finding myself, whatever....I have GOT to start living for ME. I did all I was SUPPOSED to do. I was a good child, did well in school, went to college on scholarship, entered the job force in my major in the job I was supposed to be in, I act like I'm supposed to, I cater to people without complaint, I don't rock the boat, I show no personality, I AM NOT LIVING. And it is making me SO unhappy. I realize I'm so unhappy because I'm not being true to myself. I'm not living for me. I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing. I am a completely different person inside than what people see on the outside, and it is killing me. Every day I just feel crazier and crazier as I try to cope with the disparities of life as it is and life as it should be. I know what I want right this very now. I know how I want things to be. And now I have to put a plan into place that will get me to that point. So don't be surprised if I up and change everything drastically and seemingly fast. It's not personal and it's not hasty, because trust me, it's been a long time coming.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Back From AC Back to the Stress

Well I'm back from AC. What can I say, LOVED it! I had a great time. I will admit to being a bit....leery of AC. I mean come on, it IS New Jersey. But it was nice. Very contained, rather quiet, lots of old people, but nice. I left here on the Amtrak after 7 in the morning, got to Philly to meet my sister after 9, immediately hopped an NJ Transit train to AC and got there after 11. BORING scenery. Reminded me of home. And not in a good way. From the AC train station, we found the jitney labeled for our hotel and off we went.

Our first hotel was the Sands Hotel. OK I'm used to Vegas and it's EXCELLENT customer service. May I just say that AC hotel customer service SUCKS! Oh.My.God. We got there, there's no self check-in kiosk, so we have to stand in this LONG ASS LINE! And there's like 4 people at the front desk, but only 2 1/2 are working and THEY keep stopping to talk to each other. Come ON now. Finally get to the head of the line - and do they have early check-in? Uh...NO. So we go and leave our bags at the bell desk and go off to explore. First things first, even though we are STARVING, we go to the casino to sign up for our slot cards. Seriously AC folks customer service is NOT a bad word. Well at least we got ten slot dollars and a half pound of taffy each for signing up. Went to the casino and did our usual ritual of playing Wheel of Fortune. So after that it was time to eat.

There really wasn't anything to eat in our hotel. So we made our way out of the hotel and took the long way to the Boardwalk (we're famous for finding the longest possible way to get anywhere). We ended up at Johnny Rocket's outside Bally's Park Place/Claridge (next to our hotel and connected by some mysterious indoor walkway it took forever to find after the fact). Decided it was too expensive when we saw a sign for the Garden Buffet that was $6.99. Yes, yes, I know - we should've known better. But it seems to be a tradition that our first meal in a new place must suck royally. Anywho, we headed down the Boardwalk to Garden Buffet (I think it's one of the Bally's buffets, but don't quote me on that). I kid you not, there were only two sides to the damn thing and they were identical. All I can say is thank God for the fried chicken because w/out that, we would have starved. Seriously. Everything else was pretty much not edible. So we enjoyed the fried chicken and our free plastic cup of ice water. BTW, these people actually ruined the desserts. WTH.

After lunch it was off to Bally's casino to sign up for their slot card. The good thing about this one is that it's good for Vegas, as well. WHOO HOO! Did the WOF thing at Bally's and decided to find our way out of there to go check in finally. We wandered through Bally's then through Claridge (marked difference - Claridge was way nicer) and blundered our way through to the indoor walkway and back to Sands. Stood in the long ass line again and finally checked in. Then we went to the bell desk. NO BELLHOPS. NO ONE WAS AT THE DESK. So we waited for 10 friggin' minutes. Guess who didn't get a tip? Anyway, us and an older couple went to the elevator and no one could quite get that we were supposed to insert the room key in the slot then hit the button. It was by fluke, finally, that we ended up on our floor. Ah - the hallways....
Pink walls. White chair rail. Pink roses w/green leaves and white trellis...and the carpet was bright green w/pink roses as well. Right. All I could do was pray the room didn't match the hallway. As luck would have it, the room was in nice sand tones *whew*. The bathroom was nasty. Mildewed grout. YEESH.

Later on, we explored more. We ended up taking the long way (yes again) to Trump Plaza. Got our slot cards there - and ended up with a free wireless mouse. Ended up at Tropicana and got cards there as well. We ended up eating there at some cafe. We were looking for the Rainforest Cafe, but somehow never made it to that side. Too lazy to walk back so we took a cab back to Sands.

Next morning, we checked out of Sands and cabbed it over to Resorts, our next hotel. All I can say is you should've SEEN the grins on our faces when we pulled up. First there was doorman service. Then we walked into the black marble lobby lit w/blue. It was SO classy and pretty. It was so pretty I won't even dwell on the SUCKS ASS CUSTOMER SERVICE. *ahem* At any rate, we did the bell desk thing again and headed off to the casino. We signed up for slot cards there and once more headed to WOF. We then toured the hotel, got excited when we saw a Thunder From Down Under poster, and found the indoor walkway between Resorts and the next hotel, Trump Taj Mahal (again - the LONG way - much easier to take the Boardwalk). Headed to Trump, decided the Taj Card line was way too long and went and played WOF. Wandered around Taj a bit then found the indoor walkway (same story as before) to the next hotel, which was Showboat. We'd considered staying at Showboat when we were researching this trip, but I'm glad we didn't. Showboat was interesting and I can't wait 'til House of Blues opens up there. That'll be great. We signed up for the Harrah's/Showboat card which is also good in Vegas (WHOO HOO!) and found out we could each get a free 12 pack of Coke (alright now!). Eventually we headed back through Showboat and Taj to Resorts to check in. Off to the elevator. The halls were...interesting. A bit bright. Orange, yellow, red and green plaid carpets. Which actually wasn't ugly. Our room was very beachy. But nice. Textured sand colored walls and carpets, white-washed wood and orange, yellow and blue plaid beds. The bathroom was a bit less skeezy than Sands. That night, I think we ended up eating at a cafe at Taj.

The next day (TFDU day WHOO!) we took a walk on the beach. It was so pretty and peaceful. Then we found the jitney over to Borgata. I fell in love immediately. It felt like home. That is definitely the most Vegas-y of the AC hotel/casinos. AND the demographic was most definitely younger. I MUST stay there. 'Course we signed up for the My Borgata card and played slots. We ate at the buffet, as well. Now THAT is a buffet. Good interesting HOT food that had TASTE. And the desserts? BLESS YOU BORGATA! We returned to our hotel for naps and then got up to ready ourselves for the 11:30 TFDU show. We hadn't seen this cast before, as they are the touring group and usually do West, Midwest and overseas. I'm now as in love w/them as I am w/the Vegas cast, if not more. The show as great and the guys are SO SWEET. We saw them outside in the hotel later on and they recognized us and stopped to talk. Great personalities, all of them. And that, folks, would be the main reason why we must return to AC before they leave at the end of July.

So that was the AC trip. Well worth it. I needed the break. I want to go back. And may the next trip be the BEST.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Where I'll Be

These two hotel/casinos will be my homes away from home in AC. Don't ask me how they are because I sure as hell don't know. Ask me after Wednesday.

Sands Casino and Hotel
Resorts Atlantic City

Oh and we're going to see them: - the Aussie Storm troupe (since we've already made ourselves known to TFDU in Vegas, why not spread the love to their traveling buddies in AC? :-D)


*whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo* EXHALE. I'm off to Atlantic City for a few days with my sister. I never thought I'd be excited to go to Atlantic City. But I just need to get AWAY. Before I lose what's left of my mind. And so I sit, half asleep, half crazed, listening to Bonnie Tyler "Total Eclipse of the Heart" (you know you like it) and drinking my Earl Gray tea. I just want OUT of EVERYTHING. Out out out out out out out. Out of this apartment, town, county, STATE and Coast. Out of this job. Out of all these situations I get myself in to. Out of all obligations. Where. Is. The. Freedom.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Life Sucks...Though I Know It Could Be Worse

I swear this is the worst money year ever. There' s always SOMEthing. One step forward and 70 steps back, it seems. I always struggle with rent. Then I'm behind on the phone and the cable and the cell bill. Then if I catch up w/one of those things then I'm behind on something else or someone needs money or something screwed up. I'm so SICK of it! I just want my entire paycheck back so that I can get my budget together. I'm working my butt off trying to get my credit back in good standing (I would blame that on college, but all that stuff is off now) and trying to get my funds back in the positive. I'm too young to be THIS freakin' stressed. AUGHH!

Weather 'n Stuff

It's June and now we come upon the weather I love and hate. It's raining today. Which means my hair fell. I look like Margaret Thatcher. See this is why I always kept it short. And if I could afford it this mess would be gone. Either that or spend the whole summer looking broke (which I am - but it's no reason to look the part).

Friday, May 20, 2005

What Do I Do When I'm Supposed to Be Working?

Surf the Web, of course. God, I love the Internet. So here's some sites that I visit at work:

Television Without Pity
Gotta love the snarky recaps

Las Vegas Talk
For people obsessed with Vegas just like me - enablers?

More obsessions

Thunder From Down Under
As if I needed any more reasons to come to Vegas - YES these men are THAT good!
Wow have I been lazy and not written in this in a while. I suppose it would be helpful if I remembered I HAD a blog. But anyway...

Seeing as though I haven't written in this since January of last year life has managed to remain mundane with some insanely crazy moments.

Somehow I've managed to get to Vegas twice (July '04, Jan '05) with another trip planned for July - I am officially obsessed since Vegas allows the "me" I keep under wraps to come out. But as they say "What Happens Here, Stays Here". That place has inspired me to do a career change and move there - when all of this will happen, who can say?

I also managed to get held up at gunpoint within my apartment complex walking to the damn bus stop in September. Who the hell can be bothered to dress in black with a ski mask and grap their semi-automatic friggin' rifle to rob someone at 6 in the morning? They got nothing since I started screaming and whoever was in the get-away car left their ass as they ducked behind a dumpster. But I have been turned into a cynical, distrustful, suspicious-minded, bitter, uptight bitch on wheels. And do I care? Not one bit. And that's on a good day.
Moving on to things that make me less angry....

Fire. I hate fire. I think I need to move, like, now. In this same apartment, our building caught on fire. We didn't have much damage, but - a FIRE?! Come on people. Now not only can I be secretly traumatized by 6 AM in the morning and humans, add to that list sirens and my own apartment. And I wondered why people needed therapy. HA!

I SO cannot to wait to leave this hellified state. Actually this whole Coast. I just need to quit this life (no not like that - put down the phone) and start my life. The one I'm meant to have - the one that I'm living for me. There is more to life than doing what one is told or doing what one is expected to do. What I am forced to be and what I know I can be are two very different things. And the conflict between the two is escalating and reaching a point to where I'm going to have to be true to myself. Wasn't I supposed to be grown by now?