Thursday, June 30, 2005


So here I am. Still stressed. Still ready to pull my hair out. I've had a headache for four days straight. And now my back hurts. My hair looks like who did it and what for (damn humidity) and you could fry an egg in the grease on my face. Oh well, supposedly this means I won't look old when I'm...old.

But all that's alright. I'm leaving here after work tomorrow on the Amtrak to take my narrow behind to Philly to see the family. Saturday we're going to Live 8. I hate sitting outside but how often does something of this magnitude happen? Hopefully there'll be no rain and there will be some wind. Monday there's another free concert that's supposed to have Elton John and Patti LaBelle. Could it get any better?

So despite everything, I'm determined to have fun this weekend. And worry about the week later.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Remember When

You could buy stuff for under a dollar including tax? Where might those days be now? I just went to the store to get some snacks for my snack drawer here at work (and some necessities) and I spent $11. Which I guess is better than the $50 I spent two weeks ago, but still... I got a 20 oz soda on sale for 99 cents (all the healthy stuff was $1.49+), chips on sale for 99 cents (the healthy stuff i.e. my favorite soy chips, were $1.49 - for a snack size bag - I don't think so), and then I had to search for some shampoo that was under $5. Thank God my toothpaste was 50%. And we wonder where our money goes.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Do You Ever...

...want something so bad you can taste it? That's me right now and has been for the past year and a half. Life as I'm living it right now is NOT life. It's not the life I'm meant to lead, I'm sure of it. I am not meant to be in this mundane, unfulfilling existence. I am not meant to be in this state, working this job, in this profession, STUCK in the nothingness while all good things pass me by. I refuse to believe that this is it. I've always said there's an "other" me. One that I have and still do keep mostly suppressed while I live how I'm "supposed" to, while I do what's expected of me when it's expected of me in the way it's expected of me. And I'm sick of it because THAT'S NOT ME. No how, no way, NO. Call it rebellion, finding myself, whatever....I have GOT to start living for ME. I did all I was SUPPOSED to do. I was a good child, did well in school, went to college on scholarship, entered the job force in my major in the job I was supposed to be in, I act like I'm supposed to, I cater to people without complaint, I don't rock the boat, I show no personality, I AM NOT LIVING. And it is making me SO unhappy. I realize I'm so unhappy because I'm not being true to myself. I'm not living for me. I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing. I am a completely different person inside than what people see on the outside, and it is killing me. Every day I just feel crazier and crazier as I try to cope with the disparities of life as it is and life as it should be. I know what I want right this very now. I know how I want things to be. And now I have to put a plan into place that will get me to that point. So don't be surprised if I up and change everything drastically and seemingly fast. It's not personal and it's not hasty, because trust me, it's been a long time coming.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Back From AC Back to the Stress

Well I'm back from AC. What can I say, LOVED it! I had a great time. I will admit to being a bit....leery of AC. I mean come on, it IS New Jersey. But it was nice. Very contained, rather quiet, lots of old people, but nice. I left here on the Amtrak after 7 in the morning, got to Philly to meet my sister after 9, immediately hopped an NJ Transit train to AC and got there after 11. BORING scenery. Reminded me of home. And not in a good way. From the AC train station, we found the jitney labeled for our hotel and off we went.

Our first hotel was the Sands Hotel. OK I'm used to Vegas and it's EXCELLENT customer service. May I just say that AC hotel customer service SUCKS! Oh.My.God. We got there, there's no self check-in kiosk, so we have to stand in this LONG ASS LINE! And there's like 4 people at the front desk, but only 2 1/2 are working and THEY keep stopping to talk to each other. Come ON now. Finally get to the head of the line - and do they have early check-in? Uh...NO. So we go and leave our bags at the bell desk and go off to explore. First things first, even though we are STARVING, we go to the casino to sign up for our slot cards. Seriously AC folks customer service is NOT a bad word. Well at least we got ten slot dollars and a half pound of taffy each for signing up. Went to the casino and did our usual ritual of playing Wheel of Fortune. So after that it was time to eat.

There really wasn't anything to eat in our hotel. So we made our way out of the hotel and took the long way to the Boardwalk (we're famous for finding the longest possible way to get anywhere). We ended up at Johnny Rocket's outside Bally's Park Place/Claridge (next to our hotel and connected by some mysterious indoor walkway it took forever to find after the fact). Decided it was too expensive when we saw a sign for the Garden Buffet that was $6.99. Yes, yes, I know - we should've known better. But it seems to be a tradition that our first meal in a new place must suck royally. Anywho, we headed down the Boardwalk to Garden Buffet (I think it's one of the Bally's buffets, but don't quote me on that). I kid you not, there were only two sides to the damn thing and they were identical. All I can say is thank God for the fried chicken because w/out that, we would have starved. Seriously. Everything else was pretty much not edible. So we enjoyed the fried chicken and our free plastic cup of ice water. BTW, these people actually ruined the desserts. WTH.

After lunch it was off to Bally's casino to sign up for their slot card. The good thing about this one is that it's good for Vegas, as well. WHOO HOO! Did the WOF thing at Bally's and decided to find our way out of there to go check in finally. We wandered through Bally's then through Claridge (marked difference - Claridge was way nicer) and blundered our way through to the indoor walkway and back to Sands. Stood in the long ass line again and finally checked in. Then we went to the bell desk. NO BELLHOPS. NO ONE WAS AT THE DESK. So we waited for 10 friggin' minutes. Guess who didn't get a tip? Anyway, us and an older couple went to the elevator and no one could quite get that we were supposed to insert the room key in the slot then hit the button. It was by fluke, finally, that we ended up on our floor. Ah - the hallways....
Pink walls. White chair rail. Pink roses w/green leaves and white trellis...and the carpet was bright green w/pink roses as well. Right. All I could do was pray the room didn't match the hallway. As luck would have it, the room was in nice sand tones *whew*. The bathroom was nasty. Mildewed grout. YEESH.

Later on, we explored more. We ended up taking the long way (yes again) to Trump Plaza. Got our slot cards there - and ended up with a free wireless mouse. Ended up at Tropicana and got cards there as well. We ended up eating there at some cafe. We were looking for the Rainforest Cafe, but somehow never made it to that side. Too lazy to walk back so we took a cab back to Sands.

Next morning, we checked out of Sands and cabbed it over to Resorts, our next hotel. All I can say is you should've SEEN the grins on our faces when we pulled up. First there was doorman service. Then we walked into the black marble lobby lit w/blue. It was SO classy and pretty. It was so pretty I won't even dwell on the SUCKS ASS CUSTOMER SERVICE. *ahem* At any rate, we did the bell desk thing again and headed off to the casino. We signed up for slot cards there and once more headed to WOF. We then toured the hotel, got excited when we saw a Thunder From Down Under poster, and found the indoor walkway between Resorts and the next hotel, Trump Taj Mahal (again - the LONG way - much easier to take the Boardwalk). Headed to Trump, decided the Taj Card line was way too long and went and played WOF. Wandered around Taj a bit then found the indoor walkway (same story as before) to the next hotel, which was Showboat. We'd considered staying at Showboat when we were researching this trip, but I'm glad we didn't. Showboat was interesting and I can't wait 'til House of Blues opens up there. That'll be great. We signed up for the Harrah's/Showboat card which is also good in Vegas (WHOO HOO!) and found out we could each get a free 12 pack of Coke (alright now!). Eventually we headed back through Showboat and Taj to Resorts to check in. Off to the elevator. The halls were...interesting. A bit bright. Orange, yellow, red and green plaid carpets. Which actually wasn't ugly. Our room was very beachy. But nice. Textured sand colored walls and carpets, white-washed wood and orange, yellow and blue plaid beds. The bathroom was a bit less skeezy than Sands. That night, I think we ended up eating at a cafe at Taj.

The next day (TFDU day WHOO!) we took a walk on the beach. It was so pretty and peaceful. Then we found the jitney over to Borgata. I fell in love immediately. It felt like home. That is definitely the most Vegas-y of the AC hotel/casinos. AND the demographic was most definitely younger. I MUST stay there. 'Course we signed up for the My Borgata card and played slots. We ate at the buffet, as well. Now THAT is a buffet. Good interesting HOT food that had TASTE. And the desserts? BLESS YOU BORGATA! We returned to our hotel for naps and then got up to ready ourselves for the 11:30 TFDU show. We hadn't seen this cast before, as they are the touring group and usually do West, Midwest and overseas. I'm now as in love w/them as I am w/the Vegas cast, if not more. The show as great and the guys are SO SWEET. We saw them outside in the hotel later on and they recognized us and stopped to talk. Great personalities, all of them. And that, folks, would be the main reason why we must return to AC before they leave at the end of July.

So that was the AC trip. Well worth it. I needed the break. I want to go back. And may the next trip be the BEST.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Where I'll Be

These two hotel/casinos will be my homes away from home in AC. Don't ask me how they are because I sure as hell don't know. Ask me after Wednesday.

Sands Casino and Hotel
Resorts Atlantic City

Oh and we're going to see them: - the Aussie Storm troupe (since we've already made ourselves known to TFDU in Vegas, why not spread the love to their traveling buddies in AC? :-D)


*whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo* EXHALE. I'm off to Atlantic City for a few days with my sister. I never thought I'd be excited to go to Atlantic City. But I just need to get AWAY. Before I lose what's left of my mind. And so I sit, half asleep, half crazed, listening to Bonnie Tyler "Total Eclipse of the Heart" (you know you like it) and drinking my Earl Gray tea. I just want OUT of EVERYTHING. Out out out out out out out. Out of this apartment, town, county, STATE and Coast. Out of this job. Out of all these situations I get myself in to. Out of all obligations. Where. Is. The. Freedom.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Life Sucks...Though I Know It Could Be Worse

I swear this is the worst money year ever. There' s always SOMEthing. One step forward and 70 steps back, it seems. I always struggle with rent. Then I'm behind on the phone and the cable and the cell bill. Then if I catch up w/one of those things then I'm behind on something else or someone needs money or something screwed up. I'm so SICK of it! I just want my entire paycheck back so that I can get my budget together. I'm working my butt off trying to get my credit back in good standing (I would blame that on college, but all that stuff is off now) and trying to get my funds back in the positive. I'm too young to be THIS freakin' stressed. AUGHH!

Weather 'n Stuff

It's June and now we come upon the weather I love and hate. It's raining today. Which means my hair fell. I look like Margaret Thatcher. See this is why I always kept it short. And if I could afford it this mess would be gone. Either that or spend the whole summer looking broke (which I am - but it's no reason to look the part).